A few of my (life saving) favorite things from 2020
2020 began quite well for me. It was Oscar season in Los Angeles, and I had just started venturing out to screenings and premieres having moved back to Southern California in late 2019. I was able to attend GALECA’s Dorian Awards winners toast for the first time since becoming a member, and in all areas of my life I was meeting wonderful people, some of whom I had been corresponding with for years on social media. It was everything I had hoped coming back to California would be.
Then everything changed.
I’m sure everyone remembers when the pandemic became real for them. For me, I was out in the field for work, wondering if I should be doing so. I hadn’t started wearing a mask yet, and I was still eating out almost every day. It was a Friday, and I was in Glendora at a burger joint I had been eying for months. I remember looking at the cooks and noticing that they weren’t wearing gloves. I wondered…shouldn’t they be wearing gloves. And then I thought, should I even be here? Needless to say, the following Monday I began working from home and didn’t leave my building for 2 months. Well, except for a quick trip to my car for some Caraoke!
There have been multiple times since March that I’ve considered processing what the majority of this year has felt like, but I haven’t.
Processing a traumatic global experience on a public platform was something I was simply not ready for. Until now.
There were a variety of things that helped me through this year, and instead of focusing on the pain, let’s look at the light, shall we?
OprahTalks COVID-19 & Katie Couric’s Instagram Lives
Katie Couric with Chasten Buttigieg
I don’t remember much about those early days of the lockdown other than the monotony. I don’t have cable and had the sensibility not to go to cable news for any true guidance on how to get through. Instead I went to two powerhouses I have trusted over the years. Oprah Winfrey and Katie Couric.
OprahTalks COVID-19 on AppleTV+ and Katie Couric’s Instagram lives were a source of not only information but hope. Doctors from around the world, nurses in the trenches, politicians. These long time advocates for truth were a saving grace for me early on in 2020.
I would definitely watch Oprah’s interview with Dr Edith Eva Eger, an Auschwitz survivor who became a psychologist specializing in trauma.
OprahTalks COVID-19 with Dr. Edith Eva Eger
The Science of Wellbeing
Remember when we thought we would have all this free time and do a million wonderful, amazing, self-care-y things during lockdown? Yeah, didn’t happen. Although I did manage to successfully complete Yale’s The Science of Wellbeing taught by the remarkable Laurie Santos. Happiness has often eluded me, and I was ready to throat punch anyone who told me, yet again, that “happiness was a choice.” But a scientific way to reach happiness? And taught at Yale? I was in. Learning about Growth/Fixed Mindset was a mind (pun intended) blowing moment in my life that I will never forget.
And you can still register!! The Science of Well-Being
Music
Music had a major impact this year. Who doesn’t remember where they were and what it felt like listening to Fiona Apple and Taylor Swift’s albums for the first time?
Somewhere along the summer I stumbled upon Chaz Cardigan’s video for the mental health anthem, “Not OK!” I immediately became infatuated with this queer artist. I began to follow him on Instagram where I would sometimes be one of just a handful of people listening to him perform his songs live, often for the first time.I It was very intimate. He has thousands of followers, but these lives felt very special.
Then, in May came Lady Gaga’s Chromatica. I have loved Gaga for years. I remember buying Born This Way the morning I began my post break up drive from NYC to Mississippi, with my cat Ellen and lots and lots of tears. It saved me. And Chromatica did the same.
Finally, in August I was in Palm Springs and stumbled upon a music video for Lana Del Rey’s Doin’ Time. I had never connected to Lana’s music before, but something about that video clicked and brought me (a year late) to Norman F*****g Rockwell. Every song is amazing. And Love song became an anthem for the loss of my dear Scott.
Let’s Get Spiritual
In May, I lost the man who, to date, is the love of my life. The night he died, my friend Prince suggested a ritual from his home’s traditions that truly allowed me to begin a process of saying goodbye. I lit a candle, surrounded myself with pictures of Scott and prepared a meal for us. It was a beautiful moment where I was able to speak to him in a way I wish I had many times before, particularly the last time we spoke.
On day one of our lockdown back in March I began daily meditation, something I have done off and on for years. I’ve tried several avenues, but the CHOPRA meditations are my favorites.
Previously these were special 21 day meditations from Oprah and Deepak Chopra, but this year they expanded to include many more teachers. Luckily, I was able to purchase the entire Deepak/Oprah library which was a great blessing and continue to use the app daily.
The night Scott died, I also dusted off the old Tarot deck. I started reading Tarot in college and even tried my best to be Wiccan (organized religions simply aren’t for me, even the Pagan ones). I’m not quite as connected to the deck as I used to be, but I’m dabbling. I also discovered some amazing readers on both TikTok (Owlchemist Tarot is amazing!) and Youtube (if you are left leaning you must check out Linda G! She is something else!)
Broadway, in the comfort of my own home
One of the greatest devastations of the pandemic is the shutdown of Broadway. Although I had done a few acting gigs here and there over the past few years, I hadn’t done a musical in ages. I had my eyes on a local production of Company! Needless to say, right when I was prepping to audition…well, do I need to say it? The shutdown affected off, off, off Broadway as well.
Luckily theatre made its way onto our screens in a variety of ways. Seeing “Hamilton” on Disney+ for the first time was a revelation. Same with the opportunity to see Gillian Anderson play Blanche in “A Streetcar Named Desire.” And the “Smash” concert that aired via People came around at exactly the right time for me.
Two things that you should certainly watch if you can are “Take Me to the World: A Sondheim 90th Birthday Celebration” and “The Rosie O’Donnell Show LIVE: Give #withme to The Actors Fund.”
My work
Saving for last, my own work as an artist might be the most important life saving favorite thing of all. In March, my film directorial debut was to happen in person at the Oxford Film Festival. Instead, it went virtual, as many, many things did. As soon as the credits rolled on my laptop, I was ready to do the next thing. But how to do so in a pandemic?
The quick fix was Brian’s Cooking Show. What started as a few minutes of fun, making some of my favorite dishes, became so much more. I made Pad Thai (harder than you would think!) for the first time. Found a way to fake alcohol in Julia Child’s Boeuf Bourguignon and most recently a massive 2 part Thanksgiving feast. In all honestly, this might have been the greatest saving grace of the year.
If you haven’t seen it, what are you waiting for!!
And my saving grace for 2021 might already be in the works. If you have been following along, you know that I’m already working on my next film project, “Wrath Mercy.” We are in the midst of rehearsing for a virtual reading that will take place on January 23rd. I will then raise money and when it’s safe, we make it!
Hopefully in the much better 2021.