To resolution or not to resolution
I have always loved resolutions.
The trend these days seems to be forgoing resolutions for some sort of word or practice that is more flexible and kind towards our psyche. I get that…totally get that. If you look at the actual definition of resolution - “a firm decision to do or not to do something,” shying away from resolutions makes sense.
But why is a resolution bad and something like a boundary, good?
Perhaps because boundary lines can be moved when necessary - such as not speaking to someone who is taking advantage of your kindness and giving them another healthy chance. People can change, after all. I see it every day… and in turn, boundaries can be reassessed.
Maybe more importantly than that word, FIRM, it’s the types of things we resolve to do or not do that can be problematic.
For example -
I will go to the gym is a great resolution in theory, right?
I will go to the gym 5 days a week and lose 30 pounds is slippery territory.
Body image, health, exercise and how those fit into resolutions
Let me start this off with what I consider the obvious. I am not a doctor. Not a therapist. I am a person and these are my experiences, musings and opinions.
When I first got Into recovery I was probably 40-50 pounds less than I am now. I’m not positive because I wasn’t exactly weighing myself then and rarely do so today. I have had body image “issues,” I guess you could say, for a long, long time. At the end of my active addiction, I went from eating and sleeping once a week, taking a drug that raised my heart-rate to a point that my body was literally feeding on itself - to eating 3 meals a day at a facility that served biscuits and gravy every morning. YUM!
When it came time to look at exercising again, I told my sponsor that I was going to start working out 4 days a week. He said…that’s an idea…but why don’t you try one day?
This man knew me like no one else, and I trusted him, so I tried it. I was able to successfully work out once a week, sometimes more, and most importantly didn’t beat myself up if I missed a day. That’s what I mean by success.
In regard to today, now I do CrossFit, which has truly changed my life. I love the competitive aspect of it, the community and the encouragement I get from my classmates. And I like that the focus is on strength, not looks. I try to go as much as possible, always listening to my coaches and my body.
Here is my suggestion when it comes to this tricky resolution…If you choose to write down resolutions in regard to your body, I hope you will consider beginning it with acceptance and love and giving that resolution a through-line of health and strength. I think it’s ok to want to look good naked. I WANT TO LOOK GOOD NAKED. But there are so many factors at play. For one thing, I am 45 years old, and I still love biscuits and gravy. Both of those things are ok. What is not ok is making choices that can lead me down a shame spiral if I “slip.” Or doing anything that makes my life unmanageable.
Here are some other quick notes on resolutions that I am working on in 2022.
Get out of the comments
Everyone’s a critic/expert these days. And with the onset of blogs and free or inexpensive websites (like this one!) anyone can claim themselves to be. And that’s mostly cool. It certainly benefited me! Although I have always hesitated to call myself a critic or a journalist, even though I have absolutely been paid to write. The problem these days is that opinion has morphed into a false objectivity. Opinions are subjective.
When “The Wheel of Time” television show came out, there was a huge divide amongst some purist book readers who hated the show and those who loved it, either who had also read the books (ME!) and those who had not. I found myself going into the comments of posts on Instagram and Facebook, looking for the divisiveness, sometimes even commenting myself.
TikTok (a place I love to create and swipe) is another platform this can become problematic for me. Even as I type this I have the urge to make it about the people who spread misinformation or those who simply comment hateful things, seemingly for no other reason than to hurt people for sport. But this is about me. In 2022, I’m going to get out of the comments. I will absolutely engage with my followers, but as a means of connection, not as a place of conflict.
Think before I spend
I got my first credit card when I was 18 years old. My parents ended up bailing me out of that mess. That became a pattern for over 20 years. When I got clean, I got out of debt. Now, 7 years later, having moved across country with almost nothing and then adding a 2nd bedroom in a more expensive part of Los Angeles, I found myself struggling with the “I want what I wants” yet again. This is something I find incredibly shaming. So, why not write about it!! I have made grand claims over the years when it comes to spending and credit resolutions. In 2022, I want to think before I spend. That’s it. Just think…and make informed choices.
Using social media for good
This one is simple and can work for anyone. In 2022, I plan to use social media as a way to create and support my goals. Whether that be my showbiz aspirations or helping others in my personal life or at work. I no longer want to allow social media to use me.
Finally, I want to leave you with some basics that are always good ideas to practice. And no…no one will be perfect at this, certainly not me, and that’s ok. Life is a process. We are ever changing, sometimes for the better, sometimes - not so much. And even then, what a lesson….
Let’s -
Be kind
Love one another, including and most importantly YOU!
Be of service
Make amends when appropriate
Call that friend you’ve been thinking about. Life is fleeting.
I love you!