Gratitude and a cleansing....

The idea of connection and how we seek comfort from a false reality in social media…how I seek comfort in that…has been ruminating in my head for over a week…and I will get to that in the coming days, but since today is supposed to be a day of THANKS, I wanted to focus on gratitude.

I’ll be working a bit today…heading into a few emergency rooms with peanut brittle and yogurt covered pretzels…and brochures for addiction treatment, of course. At first I was eager to do it…then resentful about it…then lukewarm to the idea…and now? It’s a combination of it all.

Part of me just wants to stay in bed, pop in my end of the year movie screeners and wallow in the self pity of not being with my family.

But that’s not right.

It’s raining here in SoCal…and I’ve been hoping for rain for days…. It is a cleansing. We have needed it to clear the air. I have needed it. Literally and figuratively.

I’ve been out here 2 months…which is almost nothing, but feels like so much weighted time.

I’m grateful to have this platform, and I’m in a place TODAY not to care how many likes and reposts I get. I’m glad that I’ve been given a second chance here. Not only do I have Hollywood at my feet…I have the blessing of being able to go into these hospitals and give the workers some Thanks. To let them know that there is help for people suffering. People like me.

6 years ago today I was in an apartment with a complete stranger who verbally abused me for hours…but he had what I needed, so I stayed. I was supposed to be volunteering with the Chef at the restaurant I worked…or was it a side job? I can’t remember exactly…but I wasn’t there. I made up a really awful excuse…awful in that it was quite excusable as I was in peak manipulation form.

Today, Just for today, I am grateful to be so far from that person I was…that I can go back there in my mind and tell that version of me, it’s going to be ok. Not only will you find the strength to leave. You will get your cleansing. You will be grateful and come out of it more than alive.