It’s Not a Burden
IT’S NOT A BURDEN is an intimate, humorous and heartfelt journey into the stories of adult children navigating the challenges and joys of caring for their aging parents. Featuring filmmaker Michelle Boyaner’s complex and tender journey caring for her own parents, the film also provides a glimpse into the lives of several other families each with their own diverse backgrounds, unique challenges, and personalities. The heartwarming film explores not only the frustrations and fears, but also the transformative bonds that happen when familial roles are reversed, friends support friends and communities come together, exemplifying our capacity to love.
When I left Mississippi after college my parents were in their late 40’s, early 50’s. I didn’t have much thought about their aging and what my leaving might eventually mean for our family. I was chasing after my dreams and had no intention of ever moving back.
14 years later, I did that very thing. Not to take care of Mom and Dad but to take care of me, with their help. 5 years later, in 2019, I made the decision to leave Mississippi again and come back to California. This time, I couldn’t help but think what the implications would be for our relationship.
Early on in the new and very touching documentary, “It’s Not a Burden,” written, directed and produced by Michelle Boyaner, who is also one of the documentary’s subjects, her Mom, Elaine breaks the ice with the first of the film’s many truths, “Yeah, aging sucks.”
Through a variety of archival footage and interviews with multiple adult children caring for their parents, Boyaner has created an incredibly human character study with both humor and heartbreak.
There are so many moments in this film that spoke directly into my heart. When Elaine, after seeming spunky and alert despite living in a Board and Care home suddenly ends up in the hospital, unable to breathe, I couldn’t help but remember the time my Dad suddenly ended up in the ER a few years back. I wondered if this was the end. It wasn’t. And like Elaine, a few days later, Dad was out of the hospital and back to his old self.
Cecile and Manuela provide one of the most thought provoking moments in the film. When Cecile is being interviewed about her Mom Manuela, she tells us that she loves her mom so very much and is taking care of her because she doesn’t want to lose her. Moments later Manuela laughs as her daughter, who is single, sincerely questions who is going to take care of her when she is old as she has no children herself.
A few days later, after Manuela has a stroke, Cecile, in tears, prays for help with her Mom because she doesn’t know what to do anymore, saying “You gotta help my Mom.” But moments later, she is pulled together doing what needs to be done, a theme that runs throughout the course of the film.
“It’s Not a Burden” continues to introduce us to more and more subjects while digging deeper into the challenges of caretaking, with each additional story managing to be as compelling as the one before, perfectly weaving each addition into the overall story.
As one might expect, the highs and lows continue for our elderly subjects as we witness the deepening dementia and memory loss get worse, leading to a very emotional finale.
One of the last pairs we are introduced to is a daughter running a business in Los Angeles and a Mom, getting older in Georgia. They clearly have a close relationship, but you can also feel the pain of distance. This is a pain I feel often when I think of my parents.
The truth of the matter is, I don’t believe that any of us truly knows what we might do when faced with the reality of caretaking our aging parents, but I can hope for myself that I will have the dignity that the children in “It’s Not a Burden” have.
“It’s Not a Burden” is being distributed by Gravitas Ventures (North American), a Red Arrow Studios Company and was released on VOD in the US on June 1, 2021. For more information about the film visit www.itsnotaburden.com.