My Top 10 Films of All Time

When I started my Best Films Rewatch back in May I never would've imagined the catharsis and pure joy this experience would bring me. To think I merely wanted to keep my creative juices flowing and not go into a major post Oscars melancholy.

If you have taken this adventure with me, you've already experienced the best part. The journey. From "Moonstruck" to "Dead Poets Society." "Funny Girl" to "The Empire Strikes Back." "Billy Elliot" to "The Godfather Part II," it has been one nostalgic ride.

Through this series you have seen me fall in love with cinema and the Oscars. You were with me when I left Omaha and moved to New York City. You have been there as I lost hope, barely hanging on to my sanity as I ran away to Los Angeles...only to, miraculously, find my way once again in the place I swore never to return.

The biggest constant through all of this has been and will always, most certainly be my love for movies.

When I finished the last film on the list I thought there would be no way to narrow it down to 10. And even if I did, I couldn't pick a favorite.
But when it came down to it, and I started to put them in order, they simply fell into place.

These are my top 10 films of all time.

1. Where the Wild Things Are

From an early age I have known what it means to want so desperately to dream yourself into a fantasy world. At times even blurring the lines between fantasy and reality. I have certainly run away before, and sometimes I wish I could do it today.

I could go on and on about the many reasons I love this film. The complicated relationship between KW and Carol which somehow manages to be told in the most simplistic of ways through the use of puppets and voice acting (Lauren Ambrose and James Gandolfini are both brilliant), the remarkable production design, the heartbreaking yet hopeful screenplay by Spike Jonze (who also directed the film) and Dave Eggers. The combination of all these things orchestrated by Jonze - the pure, wide open joy followed by confusion, conflict and eventually love.
When you are a child...and read a book with only 8 sentences, you create and imagine a world to fill in the blanks. And the filler created by Eggers and Jonze seems to have been taken directly from my own fears, hopes and imagination.

At the end of the film, when the damage between Max and Carol seems to be done, Carol has a change of heart and runs to the beach for one final goodbye.

I've left so many people I've loved over the years, just as Max does at the end of the film, sometimes to return to them, but most often not. I can relate to those friendships that are so intense that they almost feel otherworldly. Sadly, otherworldly seems to have no place in the real world.

It's been 9 years since I saw this film for the first time, and I'm only now beginning to understand the effect it has on me...then and today.

2. Mulholland Drive

The brilliance of David Lynch's film is undeniable. It is a haunting mind trip of a movie, that is best viewed without preconceived notions or over analization. If you are trying to figure out what's going on, you're really missing the point. "Mulholland Drive" is a mystery not meant to be solved.

I always assumed that one part of the film was the truth and the other was the dream, but that is not at all how it played this go around. It's as if the characters are folding in and out of the two stories trying to get out.

There are specific moments and scenes that are brilliant. The early scene in the diner with the two men...terrifying! The audition scene is amazing...although in a different manner in the midst of #metoo, and the scene at Club Silencio is so powerful it brought me to tears.

3. Call Me By Your Name
When you watch a film more than 10 times in one Oscar season, it's bound to be near the top of an all time best list. The film I was most terrified to revisit, I found "Call Me By Your Name," with a little distance from my last viewing (7 months, but still!) to be a masterpiece. When I first saw this film I called it a Queer Masterpiece. And I stand by that statement. Queer in its writing - both Aciman's original words and the adaptation by Oscar winner James Ivory, the music by Sufjan Stevens, the truly queer editing and cinematography by Walter Fasano and Sayombhu Mukdeeprom respectively. And of course the direction and acting. This is a story about a 24 year old man and a 17 year old teen who have a very intense summer of denial, discovery, desire, love and eventually heartbreak. It is a story that has happened to almost all of us. Some, with the age difference, some not. That is why it is so relatable to people. Although its queerness should absolutely not be denied.

4. Brokeback Mountain

I was also fearful revisiting "Brokeback Mountain," particularly in the light of a very important discussion about LGBTQ casting in film.

So much of what makes "Brokeback Mountain" incredible is director Ang Lee, screenwriters Larry McMurtry and Diana Ossana and short story author Annie Proulx. It is such an incredible, epic story told in the most delicate way.

As incredible as both Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger are, back in 2005, I felt slighted when it came to the rawness of it all. The scene when they embrace outside and are caught by Michelle Williams...I always wanted that kiss to be more. I imagined it to be more. But, that was enough because it had to be. Same with the scene when they have sex for the first time. What would it have felt like to see a true representation of that passion between two gay actors in that gorgeously shot masterpiece? I can't tell you. Instead, I had to add my own imaginative seasoning.

In 2018 I understand that the relationship between Ennis and Jack is exactly what it is supposed to be. The need that Jack expresses to Ennis makes more sense to me today then it did back in 2005.

5. La La Land
"La La Land" tells the story of Mia, an aspiring actress and Sebastian, a jazz musician whose chance encounters and ensuing romance bring into question their dreams and desires, told through song and dance. Chazelle and cinematographer Linus Sandgren give us these remarkable long wide takes that expose everything--Los Angeles, the talents of Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling, the genius of Mandy Moore...and on and on.

"La La Land" is a modern day, throwback-yet utterly current-movie musical masterpiece. Every cog in the wheel is perfection. The screenplay in conjunction with the choreography, the editing, production design, cinematography, direction and of course the performances, when added together give us one hell of a film.

The last act of the film is a powerhouse. When Emma Stone sings "Audition" I began to weep--for her, for myself, and especially for Seb and Mia--as I began to fear what it might take for one or both of them to continue their dreams. After the audition, Mia and Sebastian have the best scene in the film. "Where are we?" Mia asks. It is an answer the two of them as well as the audience is waiting desperately, excitedly and terrified for. It is so honestly/beautifully written, delicately directed and perfectly acted. What follows it an incredible final sequence.

I continue to connect to this story on a deep level. I can relate so much to both characters. When Mia questions whether or not her desire to be an actor was only a pipe dream, I feel it. When Seb tells Mia that it's time to get serious and stop fooling around...I feel that as well.

6. Black Swan
Is "Black Swan" a film about a mental breakdown? Is it a movie about the dark side of being a woman? Is it a metaphor for what it takes to achieve perfection on stage? Or is it just a camp masterpiece? I believe it to be all of these things.

First off, the story is great. It's simple. It's Swan Lake hyper-realized. And it is anchored by incredible performances. Barbara Hershey's Erica Sayers would eat Mamma Rose (Gypsy) alive. Mila Kunis is pure heat in the film. She is hilarious, sexy, and perhaps, vindictive. But the film belongs to Portman. She is not simply cold. She is not simply unlikeable. Her character's journey is one of the most intricate and exciting things I have seen on film.

Then there is Aronofsky. As the film unfolds, you almost don't know how to feel. Or what is going on. The pace seems a little off. The story seems a little bit campy (enough with the Black Swan/White Swan references. Enough with the white/black costumes and set) I have seen it 3 times now, and that feeling remains every time. Why? Because it should.

I think that the underlying theme that still speaks to me the most is that of perfection. Nina wants to be perfect, and her psyche splits in order to achieve that. I relate.

7. Leaving Las Vegas

Like many films on the list, "Leaving Las Vegas is the perfect match between material, director and actors. Both Nicholas Cage and Elisabeth Shue are incredible in this film. Figgis has done the impossible here, taking an alcoholic and a prostitute and turning them into a Vegas version of Romeo & Juliet.

Of course, it goes much deeper than that. There is something inherently romantic about alcoholism, particularly for the drinker. We see this so clearly in the film. But when Ben meets Sera what they both think they know about life comes close to turning upside down. Unfortunately, Ben doesn't make it. His love for alcohol is finally overshadowed by the disease itself and the only true relief he can receive comes from the end of it all. Sera on the other hand, although beaten (literally and figuratively) and lost seems to want a way out and is actually doing something about it.

8. Secrets & Lies

Second only to "Mulholland Drive," this is the film I most often declared my favorite (modern) film of all time. I'm glad it made the list.

Every interaction, every character in "Secrets & Lies" is handled with such care. Nothing is casual although everything is natural. The acting, particularly Brenda Blethyn and Marianne Jean-Baptiste, is beyond top notch. When director Mike Leigh lets the camera sit and observe in the diner as Cynthia and Hortense have their first real conversation after discovering the truth about their relationship, the film becomes an acting/directing/writing masterclass.

Leigh's brilliant screenplay, as most people know, was discovered through improvisation in rehearsal. Perhaps that's why the finished product is (almost) perfect.

9. Donnie Darko
Released in 2001 and taking place in 1988, the film somehow seems both a product of its times while also seeming completely present and topical. How the film manages to take on the subject of time travel, apocalyptic adolescence, the self help craze, over(?) medicated youth, politics, etc. without an overt sense of irony or camp is a tribute to writer/director Richard Kelly.

Like "Mulholland Drive," I think that trying to fully understand "Donnie Darko" takes away from the film's brilliance. The film's ambiguity attributes much to its excellence. As does the acting.

Mary McDonnell, Jake Gyllenhaal, Maggie Gyllenhaal and Holmes Osborne are so great as the picturesque suburban family. Maggie's Elizabeth opens the film declaring she will be voting for Dukakis while Dad and Mom refute in exactly the way you would imagine a socially liberal/fiscally conservative family in the burbs in a Hollywood film might respond. But then you have Donnie (and Frank, of course), who seems to be schizophrenic until the end of the film makes a serious case for the time traveling worm holes/turning back time theory instead.

10. Pulp Fiction

I was seduced by Quentin Tarantino the moment those large opening credits began to roll the first time I saw it back in 1994 in Oxford, MS at the Hoka Theater.

There is a naturalism to the conversation in "Pulp Fiction" which partnered with some of the incredible shots by cinematographer Andrzej Sekula elevate the film beyond any other independent film I can think of. Tarantino's dialogue remains conversational...but in a fantasy setting.

The characters in "Pulp Fiction" are incredible. Vincent Vega, Jules, Mia Wallace, Marcellus Wallace, Butch, Pumpkin, Honey Bunny, Captain Koons, Fabienne, The Wolf, Esmerelda Villalobos, Zed, the Gimp! The list goes on and on. Watching the film again reminded me why this is Tarantino's masterpiece because these actors, like no others since, created real, if a bit insane people.

And then you have the briefcase. What's in the briefcase? In the 90s I remember thinking it more than likely held the seven deadly sins...something vile, but beautiful to criminals. The lock code is 666, after all. The Internet will tell you it is Marcellus Wallace's soul...or Brett's soul...Brett being the kid...Marcellus's "business partner" eating the Big Kahuna burger for breakfast who gets shot by Jules after receiving the Ezekiel 25:17 death verse. Maybe it's salvation?

After killing Brett, Jules and Vincent are shot at. They should be dead. But Jules insists that they have experienced a "miracle" that keeps him alive somehow long enough to attempt a new way of life by providing a way out for Pumpkin and Honey Bunny.

It's a wild ride, "Pulp Fiction," and it's a film that certainly belongs on my list.

THE REST, in order.
11. Silence of the Lambs
12. The Godfather Part II
13. West Side Story
14. The Empire Strikes Back
15. Mysterious Skin
16. Vertigo
17. Before Sunset

THE FULL BEST FILMS REWATCH LIST
Vertigo 1958
Funny Girl - 1968
West Side Story 1961
The Godfather Part II 1972
Empire Strikes Back 1980
Clue - 1985
Moonstruck - 1087
Shag 1989
Silence of the Lambs 1991
The Crying Game - 1992
Pulp Fiction - 1994
Doom Generation - 1995
Secrets & Lies - 1996
Drop Dead Gorgeous 1999
Psycho Beach Party 2000
Billy Elliot 2000
Donnie Darko - 2001
Mulholland Drive - 2001
A Walk to Remember - 2002
Lost in Translation - 2003
Before Sunset -2004
Mysterious Skin - 2005
Romy and Michele's High School Reunion - 2005
Zodiac - 2007
Where the Wild Things Are - 2009
Black Swan - 2010
Dallas Buyers Club - 2013
La La Land - 2016
Call Me By Your Name - 2017

SEPTEMBER 28, 2018